A Saiyuki Parody
by Mala Suerte
Summary: Why are Hakkai, Goyjo, and Sanzo fighting? Why does Goku have a stomachache? And what's up with the cookie!


**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own any of the Saiyuki characters, though I may wish I did. They belong to whoever those geniuses may be, and we should all kiss the ground they walk on and worship them as Gods. But if they're anything like the characters they created, they may not like that. Excepts if they are the people Gojyo and Goku are based on. I'll stop there. Please enjoy.

**A Saiyuki Parody**

Their first clue should have been that the plate was laid out in the middle of the road. After all, similar tactics had been attempted before to stop them. (Of course, the day had been an unusual one, so they avoided all things that had tempted them.)

This time, this day, it was too tempting.

The fact that Goku was back at the inn with a stomachache just made it sweeter.

"What the hell?"

"Apparently it's a cookie, Gojyo."

"I know that Hakkai, but what the hell?"

"Well…"

"Both of you just shut the hell up."

"Err, yes Sanzo."

"Whatever you say Your Lordship."

"Shut up pervert."

The three healthy members of the Sanzo party stared at the plate with the lone cookie, grumpy expressions upon their faces. (With the exception of Hakkai, there was never a way to tell with him. He was always smiling.) For reasons that would only be known to Sanzo, he was pointing his gun at it. Hakkai smiled. Gojyo scratched the back of his head thoughtlessly. And Hakkai kept on smiling.

"So," started Gojyo, after sometime had passed. "What are we doing?"

"We're staring at a cookie that's on a plate sitting in the middle of a road evidently."

"Not that Hakkai. I mean what are we going to do with it?"

"Well why didn't you say so?" replied Hakkai. "I suppose that's all up to Sanzo. He's our leader after all."

Hakkai was, not surprisingly, still smiling.

Growling, Sanzo replied. "We destroy it."

"What?!" yelped Gojyo. "Why ruin a perfectly good cookie?! You crazy monk! We should eat it!"

"We don't know where it came from, perverted cockroach. For all we know, it could be a trap. Gyumaoh's assassins could have set this up, to poison us you dipstick."

"Right, like any of them could be that smart!"

"Why you-!"

"Now, now," interrupted Hakkai (still smiling by the way). "You have to remember Kougaiji and Ms. Yaone. Even your own brother is smart, Gojyo."

"Yeah," Gojyo smirked. "And what about Lirin?"

"Well, err… You have to give her points for trying, right?"

Sanzo smirked.

But Hakkai kept on smiling.

"I still think we should eat it," grumbled Gojyo.

"It is rather tempting," a smiling Hakkai agreed.

His gun still pointing at the poor defenseless cookie, Sanzo stared. And stared. Then to change things a bit, he blinked. Then promptly went back to staring. "…well."

"Alright monk-boy!"

"I knew you would see things our way."

"Okay, so I've joined the dark side of the force. There's just one problem with this of course. One cookie. Three of us."

"….damn."

"Oh, dear, that is a problem."

"...why are you smiling?"

So our hapless heroes stood there around the most precious cookie. Sanzo, gun still pointing, was frowning and staring at Hakkai. Even while being stared at, Hakkai still smiled. Gojyo was once again thoughtlessly scratching the back of his head. And Hakkai continued to smile.

After sometime, Gojyo spoke. "I think I should get it. I've missed out on hot girls and gambling because of this whole crazy trip. I deserve it."

"Now Gojyo. Surely you jest," chuckled Hakkai. "I've kept the peace amongst us all and I've taken care of most of your injuries. I think I should get the cookie."

Sanzo smirked. "Right. Like a couple of knuckle heads like you deserve that cookie. I'm the one the Three Aspects forced to go on this 'Holy Quest' with a bunch of hair brained idiots. So it's only fair that I deserve the cookie, and that's final."

There was a long pause.

The three stared at each other.

"Right. Now them are fighting words," Gojyo commented as he cracked his knuckles. There was an odd, yet dangerous smirk on his face. Many a demon had seen that very same face and failed to live to tell the tale.

Unfortunately, it was lost upon Sanzo and Hakkai.

"Oh dear," Hakkai sighed. "It seems we've run into a bit of a problem. Perhaps a game of 'Paper, Rock, Scissors' would help diffuse the situation?" An ominous glow began to surround Hakkai's hands.

The smile was still there.

"Heh," Sanzo chuckled. "If you two idiots have a problem with me getting that cookie, take it up with my gun. Then maybe we can settle this peacefully." Cocking his gun, Sanzo grinned. He had needed a good fight lately, and killing these two morons and getting the cookie would be killing three birds with one stone.

Now if Sanzo could only figure out a way to get rid of the monkey…

Unbeknownst to the three, said monkey, better known as Goku, was currently leaving the inn with his assigned babysitter, Hakuryu. The youngest (looking) member of the group was finally feeling better. When his elders had not returned, he grew curious. Having ventured out and finding the others arguing, both Goku and Hakuryu tilted their heads to the side.

Finding their companions arguing with each other was nothing new. Both were quite use to it, actually. (Though normally, Goku and Hakuryu would also be fighting as well.) However, what grabbed the two's attention, was the lonely cookie, sitting all by itself, on the cold, hard plate.

"Awesome! A cookie!"

"Meeeew!" (Translation: Yay for cookie goodness!)

Quick as lightening, Goku had grabbed the cookie. He broke it in half and shared it with Hakuryu. The two greedily ate the whole thing.

And all Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai could do was stare and watch as their cherished cookie was devoured.

"Oomph!" Goku grabbed his stomach with one hand and used the other to cover his mouth. "I'm not feeling so good."

For awhile, there was silence.

Then…

"Stupid monkey!" Three voices shouted together.

It was said that from the far distance, insults could be heard being hurled out at a poor soul. And pitiful crying could be heard screeching across the land. Furthermore, a lone voice that had no understood language tried to comfort the other. Also, every once in awhile, for reasons unknown, gunshots could be heard.

Elsewhere…

"Lirin? What's the matter?"

"Big brother, I lost my cookie!"

"Err, don't worry Lirin, I'm sure Yaone can bake you a new one. Isn't that correct Yaone?"

"Umm, I'm sorry Lord Kougaiji, but I have that… Uh, mission! Yes, a mission I must complete. But Lady Lirin, I'm sure Doku-Gakuji will be glad to buy you a new one. Right?"

"What? Oh. Well, actually… Kou, weren't we going… out? To… find Sanzo and his gang?"

"Um, yes! We were Doku-Gakuji. Completely slipped my mind. How could I forget? Well, we must be off."

"But what about my cookie?!"

**The End**

So, you like? No? Yes? Review people, so my other personality won't cry.


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